Conflict
Is it wrong to not want to be defined by my kids, husband and home? I just typed a whole rant about being boring - at least from the standpoint of my blog - and then erased all of it. The gist of it is this: I have the greatest husband, I love him, my kids, my home... I am growing in my walk with God... I'm involved in many aspects of our church and our homeschool group..... by many standards, I have the perfect life.
So, why I do I want more? I wouldn't call it discontentment - just a longing for excitment. I miss the spontinaity of single life. (the ONLY aspect of single life I miss!! :) ) I want to go back to school. I want to travel. I guess I just want it all. :)
God is faithful. I'm finding I HAVE to lean on Him.
But I still want to go for ice cream at midnight and take walks in the rain! Is this sinful??
4 comments:
if you really think about it, what are most people defined by... what they do, their carreers, right? so why is it so bad to be defined by OUR career: caring for our kids and husband and home? the world has deceived us into thinking that we're losing ourselves or our identity or excitment if we're defined by our kids and such, but they are the ones who are deceived. they may feel "lost" in what they do and they want us to feel lost and dissatisfied as well. think about how exciting it is when one of your kids accomplishes something wonderful because you helped them through it! that's where the REAL excitement lies. the rest is just meaningless entertainment.
and you CAN be spontaneous, even more so than most families since you homeschool. we have spontaneous trips to the lake, and we take the kids out for icecream too, and there are always people in the church who are willing to come watch the kids when you need a spontaneous date. personally, dave and I are planners, so we like to plan ahead for things, and that doesn't make it any less fun, it actually gives us time to get prepared for and excited about whatever it is we'll be doing!
God IS faithful and He will guide you through these feelings (sinful or not) :o)
add on: i was just searching the web and was watching a video on about.com and the lady was talking about building a craft room or something and she said something that struck me. "we are defined by our passions", just an extra something to think about.
Thanks for the reality check, Dana. We're leaving to go to the lake right now! I've been wanting to go for so long, but Tom isn't much of an family outings type of guy (he'd rather stay home and snuggle on the couch) and I think that's where most of my discontentment (yes I said it!) lies. I've been waiting on him to be spontaneous, and it's just not him. Instead of trying to change my husband, I need to prioritize my day so that the kids and I can be spontaneous during the day and then be happy to stay at home with Tom when he gets here. :) Why is that such a revelation?? :P
I think another problem I've had is that my family and home has not been my passion ever since Brayden was born - not sure what the root of that problem is, I just know I haven't been myself much at all. Basically passionless, which is a horrible place to be. But you've certainly given me the kick in the pants I needed to find out what needs to change to put passion back into my life! :) Thanks!
Wow, I feel good now! :) Thank you God.
well my goal was to encourage, but if a kick in the pants is what you needed, then ok! :)
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